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What if you had the source code for the world?

September 6, 2009 By View Comments

We know everything can be hacked. I know a couple of guys who have got their hands on it.

morpheus I interviewed Neo and Morpheus a few years back in some dodgy hole in the wall they call their “setup”. Morpheus talked about how they were trying to make sense of the mess code named ‘The Matrix’. All the dead ends, power surges and a pain in the ass bug that duplicates itself into many forms and scattered all over the place. Rubbing his temple frequently and popping some blue-colored pill he continued, “there was one night Neo thought he had a cold and blew his nose and blood came forth. Neo was over-clocking his mind working on the code and his brain was melting through his nostrils. I made him ‘unplug’ for awhile. There was nothing else we can do but switch the run time routine to a walk time routine.” Fortunately, all was good a few minutes later and the code was hacked on schedule.

When the interview ended, Neo said something I will never forget “everything becomes open source eventually.” We all live in different worlds. My world is not the same as your world, well maybe a bit of it overlaps with yours and everyone else on this earth. So the guys are currently working on the video tutorial which will be up on YouTube soon. In it, you will find simple steps on how to hack the universe for the source code to your world.

©Carolyn

Related article: The End is Near

Robin Bloor is a twitter friend full of witty tweets. Follow @robinbloor for a good time.

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The Rahman Code

August 20, 2009 By View Comments

Apparently there’s this Rahman Code that guides the selection of Prime Ministers in Malaysia. Nah, it’s just a coincidence. Right? I asked my muslim friends including Amir himself and was met with “What, you haven’t heard of this before?” Well no, seriously, I haven’t. Amir by the way gave a brilliant presentation at the recent Pecha Kucha Night in KL.

Now I’m wondering if there are more “codes” running the country. Enjoy the video, celebrate our filmmakers while they’re still alive (that’s Amir) and long live Najib.

What is Pecha Kucha Night?
Each presenter is allowed 20 images, each shown for 20 seconds each – giving 6 minutes 40 seconds

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Spring Lotus Soup : The Inside Scoop

July 16, 2009 By View Comments

‘Spring Lotus’ is the name of a very exquisite and expensive Imperial Soup. Have you heard of ‘The Buddha Jumps Over The Wall‘ soup? The ‘Buddha Jumps..’ is the economy version, spin-offed from Spring Lotus Soup. Spring Lotus Soup takes one week to prepare and only by licensed chef after 20 years of practice. Lately, there’s been a lot of bogus Spring Lotus Soup chefs who claim they possess the original recipe passed down 14 generations ago from a grandmother. Don’t be fooled. No one can pass down a Spring Lotus Soup recipe and have it stay within the family. All chefs are killed when the emperor dies to serve him in the afterlife. Ah but then, the original recipe did survive. It was secretly documented by the imperial scribe who had frequent trysts with one of the emperor’s concubines in the Han Dynasty. Read on.

The benefits of Spring Lotus Soup are -

1. It allows one to show off one’s wealth to business associates, a popular practice among Chinese businessmen. The rare herbs costs more than a dozen magnums of the finest champagne and there are 50 varieties of rare herbs in Spring Lotus Soup. Chefs have to buy insurance to prepare this soup in case something goes wrong in the kitchen like if he mistook the ‘kei chi’ for the ‘kim chee’. It would be bankruptcy court instead of the Imperial Court Restaurant for him the next day. Many Spring Lotus Soup chefs have committed suicide over a Spring Lotus Soup gone wrong.

2. Spring Lotus Soup magnifies orgasms in women 100 times (spread over 5 screaming multiple Os). The concubines in the Han Dynasty swear by Spring Lotus Soup to get by the night. You must have read that the Emperors in the Han Dynasty were not well known for their looks or sexual prowess. For the concubine, it is not an easy job to ‘fake-it’ every night. One concubine quoted in a tragic Chinese tale “Spring Lotus Soup helped bring out the animal in me so I could see past the beast I was with.”

But one can easily be addicted to it as was told in another tragic tale of ‘The Hideous Concubine – The One With The Double Eyelids’. Back then, the concubines were abundant and the herbs were not, so the soup was rationed to only the concubine/s the Emperor would visit that evening.

concubine

Some concubines such as this most hideous one only got to see the Emperor once at most twice a year. She worked out a deal with the scribe (who was related to the chef) to steal the recipe so she could make it herself and to trade for jewels or favors with the other concubines in the imperial harem. The Emperor found out one day and ordered her death by Spring Lotus Soup. She ODed and died of exhaustion. Tragic indeed but not unpleasant at all.

Before her death, the recipe was smuggled out of the Imperial Concubines quarters to a distant relative. Thank heavens the lost recipe was discovered after the Cultural Revolution for the world to enjoy. But how do you know if the recipe is genuine? It can only be passed down from one male chef to another male chef (unrelated by blood) and because of the enormous burden on a family should things go awry, the cook has to remain unmarried for as long as he is a practicing Spring Lotus Soup chef, which is pretty much a lifetime.

You should all try it. Find a restaurant that serves Imperial Dishes (remember – not cheap) and ask for 1 bowl of Spring Lotus Soup, then ask for 10 spoons (if you are feasting with 10 friends). You must order 1 week in advance. In KL, I’ve only found Imperial Dishes served at the Shangrila Hotel. It’s to die for, trust me.

I also recommend:

Chinese Imperial Cuisines and Eating Secrets

The Healing Cuisine of China: 300 Recipes for Vibrant Health and Longevity (Paperback)

Chinese Natural Cures: Traditional Methods for Remedy and Prevention (Paperback)

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Funniest 2008 Debate Tweet

October 16, 2008 By View Comments

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Apocalyse Now. Full dressed rehearsal.

September 14, 2008 By View Comments

LHC

link

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Funniest Tweet Today

August 20, 2008 By View Comments

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Limited Fadditions

July 26, 2008 By View Comments

Serving the all-about-me customers has inspired Apple to develop products that are sexy, colorful and makes a statement of who you are but deep down, we know it’s really who you want to be until you buy the product and become a bit more cooler than before. That is why brands like Swatch have become so popular. They take one product and offer it in different colors or material, the function of the product is essentially the same. Customers love choices. When a product seems to have lost it’s appeal just a little and the guys at R&D haven’t found a breakthrough, this is also a strategy you can pull out of the hat to keep the market excited.

For example. something as boring as the Ku band dishes you see stuck to roofs and walls of urban homes. It used to be cool when your roof was the only one on the street with a dish. Now it’s like bleh.

Dish Art

I’ll buy a dish painted by my favorite artist or cartoonist. It can be autographed and numbered. Wouldn’t you like to be part of an auction on the single masterpieces that would benefit a charity or medical research?

Feng Shui Art

Anything that will enhance wealth, health and happiness will enhance revenues. If you get a Feng Shui master to endorse it, “They will come.” No Chinese in their right minds will not want to tip the needle of fortune in their favor.

HahaArt

If you’re the regular joker, you might not want a bat pager. Then again, life won’t be fun without batman, so why so serious, get this glow-in-the-dark bat pager and have a good laugh.

What would you put on your dish
if you have a choice.

Inspired by: The Dark Knight.

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HokkienStation.tv

July 23, 2008 By View Comments

One fine day, when I open my online music store (reading “The Secret” for the 101 time) I will offer Hokkien Karaoke videos people can download for a small price. HD quality don’t play play. If there’s any song we don’t have a video for, my production crew (part time dangdut porn production house) will go to Lake Gardens in KL or Penang Hill with a Hokkien couple from Klang or Pulau Tikus and shoot a Karaoke video of your favorite song. If you want us to shoot you, also can. We have an arrangement with JonLow Bridal Palace and they have the loveliest gowns in colors that will bring out the color of your, err, eye shadow.

We also have other services. We can translate Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” into Hokkien for you. “O Solo Mio” also got (search under Eh, Siao Ah Mai).  Unlimited karaoke music video on demand (Premium “Kah Liew” Package) or streaming video (Unlimited Access Monthly Pass – our most popular package).

If you have the Pasar Malam decoder mentioned in the post below titled “The IPTV Race”, you just register for an account here. Then plug and play lor.

We also carry an extensive collection of cordless Karaoke microphones. Made in China but German engineered and Amercian designed. No assembly required. 1 month guarantee. This is a very special product. It has near surround sound quality speakers and comes with 1G internal memory (expandable to 4G).  You can download your favorite Hokkien tune from my website straight into the microphone with a USB plug that is also built into the mic, just push a button and the USB plug will pop out. There’s also an LCD screen on the side to display your lyrics. With this mic, you can take your favorite Hokkien Top 20s on the road. At home, you can connect it to your set top box or your PC with a bluetooth receiver (sold separately). Guarantee, your whole family will like.

Coming soon: Waterproof cordless mic.

Day 80
Creative Commons License photo credit: SuperFantastic

Inspired by: Sky to take on iTunes with download service
Brand Republic 22-Jul-08, 15:05

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The IPTV Race.

July 8, 2008 By View Comments

Who will win this fight? In the arena we have the TV stations, the ISPs, telcos, content providers and hardware manufacturers.

My bet is on the hardware manufacturers. I can take a popular game console today, plug in a broadband line and I’m in business. No broadband infrastructure in your neighborhood? WiMAX will be right there. Content? From the WORLD wide web. What can be aggregated can be streamed.

Set top box manufacturing is where you should be. You can make high performance boxes that includes a really cool remote control with an iPod-ish click wheel, a built in 100GB memory to house your TV guide and video trailers that you can watch on a 2.5″ screen that also takes voice commands to pause streaming, change channels etc (price it high for the rich early adopters).

You can also make the cheapest disposable box (priced low for the mass market). Take that box to anyone with content to sell like a video store and go “Can I call you buddy?”. Sell your decoders directly to consumers. Work with retail chains, hypermarkets, Amway, temples and churches.

I can also see how this will develop in the Asian market. The illegal DVD cartel will finally band together and go broadband. Host all the latest blockbusters on a server in Tuvalo. Flick a switch whenever there’s trouble and stream from Iceland or Mongolia. No worries, the long arms of the law will get tired eventually. Their time is better spent investigating high-profiled sodomy cases.

Consumers will celebrate because they can now order dirt cheap movies as well as dirty movies without having to pay for it at a cashier and suffer the stares of other customers. Never mind that the visual may occasionally include a human head moving across the screen, audio interrupted by hacking cough in the background or abrupt endings because the cinema lights came on. The best thing is, there is no subscription fee.

Knock-off decoders will be widely available. Often sold from the back of a car at busy night markets and wet markets across the country or wherever there is a street lamp. The distribution network can put Starbucks to shame.

For consumers with finer tastes, the high-end boxes can be found at Harvey Nomans. After getting one, just get online and register for an account at Boreders.com (The Curve branch). They are now streaming movies and music from the DVDs and music CDs that once collected dust on the shelves. Huge selection. HD or Blue-Ray quality they are all ready to stream the instant your online payment is received.

But people don’t buy hardware, they buy content. Yes but to produce a show you need huge investments and a team of people to manage a team of people. If you buy content, you compete with the local TV stations. All these eat into profits.

What about videos streamed to a broadband portal? Seriously, I have a 52″ Plasma TV and a 22″ LCD monitor. Which one, do think I’ll have more fun watching a 2-hour movie on?

Can you see the future now? The people who will make all this happen are the hardware folks. So what are you waiting for?

Inspired by: The Roku

Roku


Also read: UNCLE HO WANTS YOU! from an old friend and fellow blogger TV Smith

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